[upbeat music]♪ ♪[phone trilling] – Good afternoon.
Thank you for calling [bleep]. This is [bleep].
How can I help you? – Hi, I believe that your shop sold my boyfriend
a purple fedora, velvet. – Okay. – So essentially his entire
personality has shifted. What is the deal
with these fedoras? Did you tell him something when
he bought the fedora possibly that might have puffed him up
and made him feel like he’s king shit? – I’m not really sure. I’ve never heard of something
like this happening before. – So you’ve never seen,
like, a customer, they walk in there
and they’re kind of a dweeb and then all of a sudden they
put it on and they’re like, “Oh, check me out. “Now I’m a totally different
dude than the one that you started dating.” – Um, there can definitely be
a level of confidence that can be boosted
when you feel good in a– in an article of clothing. – Well, you sound confident.
I’m confident. Do you have a fedora
right now on? I don’t. – I do. I’m currently wearing a fedora,
yes. – Oh, it just gets worse
and worse. He won’t even take it off,
like, in bed. – Okay, what would you
like me to do? I’m not really sure what–
– Well, here’s the thing. I’ll tell you what
I’d like you to do, and it’s very specific. Last night when
he was asleep– and he’s so pissed
at me right now– I took this freaking hat,
and I cut it up with scissors into little freaking
tiny pieces and what I wanna do is bring
you a bag of those pieces and I want you to give me
my money back because what you did
is irresponsible and it’s not right. He’s so mad at me now
and this has almost been, like, a relationship ender. – Because we sold him a hat, it’s a relationship-ender? That’s what you’re saying?
– Exactly. – Okay, I’m going
to call some higher ups and see what we can do and one of them will probably
give you a call. Is that okay? – How many higher ups is it? Like, 16 of them wearing
gold hats somewhere? In a mansion?
[whistles] And you’re–you’re
making a profit by taking people’s souls.The devil is alive.– Is there anything else I can
help you with today, Jocelyn? – I thought you’d never ask. Yeah, I wanna buy a fedora
for myself. I want him to see what it feels
to be on the receiving end of the arrogance
and the bravado, the confidence that seems
it will never end, of someone wearing a fedora. – Wow. – I want 100 fedoras, and I’m gonna burn them
in a pile outside your store. Big old fedora bonfire, and you ask the higher ups
if they’re all right with that. – Ma’am, I literally
cannot be a part of this conversation anymore.
– Sir. Sir. – You can call me
whatever you like. – No, I’m saying I am a sir.
I identify as he. – Okay, my apologies, sir.
– Thank you. I hate fedoras! – Is it okay if we end this
conversation now so I can– – You do not–you do not
have my consent. – Okay, so I’m just gonna sit
with you on the phone all day? – I would appreciate it.
I’ve never had one friend. – I–I’m sorry.
That’s a personal issue. I’m–I’m working. – I honor you,
you honor me. Will you be my friend? Take off your fedora, and come meet me
for a late lunch? – I’m not meeting you
outside of work. I’m not meeting you anywhere.
This is an issue that is outside of my hands.
– We’re rocking, we’re rolling. I have a pet muskrat.
– I told you what I can do
and you’re not letting me
help you… – He will…
– By not letting me get off the phone and… – Come to your store
and lead you to me. [phone clicks]