[MUSIC PLAYING] Yo. Oh, shit. Nothing but love to
our guests tonight. We got executive producer– Yeah. –and host of “Watch What
Happens Live with Andy Cohen.” And also host of “Anderson
Cooper 360,” Anderson Cooper. We’ve got Anderson
Cooper and Andy Cohen in the house, AC, AC. [CHEERING] Yeah, yeah. [APPLAUSE] Andy in the building! My guy, Anderson. All right. Nice. [CHEERING] How you doing? Yeah. All right. Here we are. It’s like a carbon–
it’s like two Bodega Boys. Yeah. I know. If you guys are The Bodega
Boys, what are Anderson and I? You guys are The
Whole Food Boys. – The Whole Food Boys?
– Poser boys. All right.
I like that. By the way, this
would be some kind of a newscast, the four of us. [INTERPOSING VOICES] Everyone watching it
would just be confused. I don’t know. They’re like, this is
what’s wrong with America. No.
I think– Can you imagine Donald
Trump watching this? [INTERPOSING VOICES] He’s like, no. I don’t like AOC and
her three friends. You know what? [LAUGHTER] Actually, it’s kind of hot. [LAUGHTER] All right. All right, you all
the way down there. [LAUGHTER] Don’t make me pull
this bus over. [LAUGHTER] You guys are going
on tour together. We have been on
tour together– Been on tour. –for about four
years, believe it or not. Wow. And it’s like an
occasional tour. It’s an occasional– we
do about 15 dates a year. And we’re coming
up in Cincinnati, and Chicago, and St. Louis. How sporadic are the tour dates? Is it just like, you
hit them up, like, yo, what are you doing this weekend?
– We do– no. I mean, it’s like– It’s basically where Andy
wants to go out afterward and what city.
So– Yeah. –wherever he wants to
go out and find a bar. I have a good setup for
us in St. Louis, by the way. – Oh, really?
– Hey. Yeah. We’re going to party
with the Blues. – I don’t know what that means.
– It means we’re going to– [LAUGHTER] They’re literally us. – The hockey team.
– They’re literally us. It’s the same thing. [LAUGHTER] Like, OK. I kind of– [LAUGHING] Like, I sent you an email. [LAUGHTER] I don’t know
anything about sports. I can’t even pretend. We know. – No sport whatsoever?
– No. Is there any sport
you could kind of lie that you know something about?
– No. I can’t even– no. I really– I once,
actually, when I first started out, I had to– I actually had to do a sports
report, like, on a newscast. And they put a counter
clock of every name that I mispronounced,
like Mike P– Pizza and– Piazza. Whatever. Oh, wow. So you’re the dude that– Wow, mispronounced
the names again. [LAUGHTER] Something one of us does. [LAUGHTER] See that? This guy called Tyga,
“tigga” for five years. Are we the alternate
universe of you guys? You are. This is like a very different
version of Jordan Peele’s “Us.” [LAUGHTER] A lot less rabbits. Yeah. This is weird. So after spending so
much time together, are you guys rubbing
off on each other? Or are you picking up
each other’s quirks? We barely speak at this point. Yeah, we only speak on stage. Yeah, we’re like
Donny and Marie. You know, basically
he’s jacked my whole act is what’s happened. Really? Yeah, because he
basically hosts “Housewives” reunions on CNN every night. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [LAUGHTER] Andy is convinced
that our worlds have now completely intertwined,
that everything is basically a reality show. Yes, well, there we go. Yeah. Andy’s obsessed
with Kellyanne Conway. He’s obsessed with
the whole– he also, like, texts me
right after events and always accuses me
of ripping him off. Yeah. After the Trump/Clinton debate– Uh huh. –he was like– it
was so scorched earth. He did one of my
classics that I do at “Housewives” reunion shows. He’s like, say something
nice about each other, which is what I do after– That’s your line. Yeah, that’s my thing. I’m like, you stole my bit. Anderson, how do you
respond to these allegations? How do you plead? [LAUGHING] By the way, it
was a town hall, and it was an audience question. So it wasn’t even me. OK, whatever. Oh! He still blames me. [LAUGHING] You gave him the card, Andy.
You gave him the card. I know.
Yeah. I’m reality. He’s escaped from reality. [LAUGHING] He’s Anderson. You’re Andy. Yeah. Could you guys switch and
host each other’s shows? No problem. I’m dying to get in there
and do what he does. – I would love that.
– Absolutely. I would love to see you– Can you be messy as he is
for half an hour straight? No. [LAUGHTER] I could not talk to
the people he talks to. [LAUGHING] Oh, oh, look at the
people you’re talking to. [LAUGHTER] By the way, I could barely
talk to your people. [LAUGHING] He’s like, I can
do Scaramucci, but– Yeah, really. If I have two drinks on
my show, I’d have to have four drinks on your show. Oh, man. Yeah. No Vanderpumps on your show? I mean, I was an early
Atlanta “Housewives” fan. OK. And then– yeah. – Who’s your favorite?
– Nene. – Nene.
– Yeah. I’m the only anchor
who’s probably been drunk dialed by Nene
Leakes while on the air. Wow. Yo, that’s– – That’s high praise.
– I checked– It is. Literally my phone starts
ringing while I’m on the air. I’m like, who is calling me? Like, who doesn’t
know that I’m actually on the air at this point? I check it during the break. And it’s Andy and Nene
Leakes in the back of a car. And she’s screaming, don’t
be tardy for the party. [LAUGHTER] Very on brand. Yes. [LAUGHTER] It’s true. – I like that energy.
– Yeah. I know. So what are you
guys doing to it? Like, what do you– So we do– it’s basically like
hanging out in a bar with us, except I don’t really drink. So it’s kind of– I get him drunk a
little bit, but we– What’s your drink of choice? Mine is tequila.
Tequila? Yeah. He makes me drink tequila. I make him drink tequila. We– it’s like going
to a bar with us, and we tell you all
our best stories. We make you put your
phone away so you won’t tweet about anybody
we’re talking about. MERO: Right Ooh, nice and messy. We tell our best
stories, basically. We bring video clips. It’s like a night out
drinking and telling stories. It’s really fun. Yeah. Now, do the nights out– do they– do you– it’s like you get a
nice piece of gossip, it’s like, yo, we gotta
go out to talk about this? Oh, yeah, I bring it out. What was the last piece
of gossip you heard? MERO: Some hot gos. No names, but you
know, you could, like, dance around the allegations. MERO: Like “Kariah
Marey,” you know. There’s a name– [LAUGHTER] You could tell me
the names, because I won’t recognize them anyway.
– Yeah, I know. He’s like me. He doesn’t know anybody. [LAUGHTER] No, I’ll call him,
and I’ll be like, I just had so-and-so on my show. He was such a dick. He’s like, who is that again? Wait a minute. MERO: His name is–
his name was Richard? Yeah, right, burn.
MERO: I don’t understand. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] That was a dick joke. ANDERSON COOPER: Yeah, I–
[LAUGHTER] That’s a good joke. DESUS: See what
we’re doing, though? So which one of you–
so since you guys are basically a carbon copy of
us, who does the dick jokes? Is that you?
– Oh, me. – Oh, yeah?
– Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you’re the Mero. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Are you OK with that? [LAUGHTER] Unbridled. DESUS: Wait–
– Unstoppable. But wait– OK, shout out to you
you got the kid– Yes. –you are literally Mero. Yeah! You got to go full
Dominican, though. You got to cut the eyebrows. Yeah, great. I’ve been wanting to go full
Dominican for a long time. [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] That’s right. I think it’s my destiny. You know what I’m saying? [LAUGHTER] MERO: Yeah, so Dominican with
a D. Know what I’m saying? What’s going on
with what’s happening down in Dominican Republican? It’s a smear campaign. It is, isn’t it? Smear campaign. ANDERSON COOPER:
I know, I heard. It’s ridiculous.
two million people visit the Dominican Republic every year. Yeah, some people
are going to die. Talk to–
DESUS: OK. All right. Whoa, whoa, wait,
wait, wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
– Yes! MERO: Innocent! – Time out.
– Innocent! Go. DESUS: Time out. “Some people are
going to die” changes when it’s your Aunt Pauline. OK? [LAUGHTER] No, look, I just
mean statistically, out of 2 million people– DESUS: It’s like, get up,
get up, train is leaving, and that changes everything. MERO: [SPEAKING SPANISH] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, but it’s true. Like, they had a– I recently saw– By the way, I dated a
Dominican for seven years, so I’m quite familiar
with the PR out there. There he is. Know what I’m saying? [LAUGHTER] AUDIENCE: Yeah! Know what I’m saying? Que lo que. [LAUGHTER] Was probably a lot of
fun, lot of headaches. That’s why I turned gray. [LAUGHTER] I’m kidding. [LAUGHING] I love the DR. DR is great– – Yeah.
– –Santo Domingo. It’s beautiful. I mean, aren’t people
dying in Turks and Caicos? Yes. Yeah, you know what, they are. Yeah, they are. Yeah. Oh, yeah, people die every day. People die
everywhere every day. That’s life, Andy. Well, I feel
like the DR thing, people were dying a lot faster– – I do too.
– –a lot fa– And it wasn’t happening before. No, no, I’m sorry, one
of the persons who died– I mean, I can’t believe– I mean, I don’t want
to make it sound like– Go ahead, Anderson, defend– No, but what– –defend murderers in the DR. They’re not murdered. Yes, there are– there’s
an investigation into some. Like, in one hotel, two
people died at the same time, and that was weird. And that’s being investigated. But one person who died,
it got a lot of coverage. He was, like, a retiree
with cardiovascular issues, and he went to the hospital,
and sadly, he died. It’s not like– ANDY COHEN: That one,
I didn’t read about. Yeah, well– Journalist. [LAUGHTER] “Anderson Cooper 360.” [APPLAUSE] All right. Team dies. That sounds like a lot
of our uncles, though. I’m just– Hello. Yeah, what about Aunt Pauline? DESUS: What about Aunt Pauline? Yeah, yeah, yeah. DESUS: Y’all need to think
about that, because think about these people. They go to DR. Now they
gotta bring the body back. Yeah. That’s a whole– you
can’t– that’s a different plane ticket. You do, like,
a Viking funeral. ANDERSON COOPER: [LAUGHING] Know what I’m saying? It’s beautiful. It’s all-inclusive. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yo, she’s
checking out permanently. Well, yeah. [LAUGHTER] Can I sign up for
the coffin-building class? Oh. You know what I’m saying? Get a massage on the beach,
get your hair braided– – Yes.
– –and build a coffin. Oh, my god, that is
the greatest thing, when you go anywhere–
to any island, and you’re flying out,
and there’s some tourist there from somewhere who– Braided hair? –with the braided hair, and
you’re like, oh, sweetie, no. No.
No. [LAUGHTER] You don’t have to do that. And then what I love about
them is they come back, and they’re, like, going to
their aerobics class, whatever. And they’re just
like, oh, no, this? Oh, no, it’s what
everyone does that. You’re like, actually, no. MERO: No, it’s not. Yeah. Oh, man. Yesenia suckered you. She was on the beach. She saw you. That’s right. – You were a mark.
– Right. You know what I’m saying? She saw you on your
fifth piña colada. Like, Tiffany,
it doesn’t work. [LAUGHTER] Right. All right, you’re
both Emmy winners. Mm-hmm. Both “New York Times”
bestselling authors. ANDERSON COOPER: Are
you an Emmy winner? I am. ANDERSON COOPER: I
didn’t know that. [LAUGHTER] Then that’s something
that you guys, like– – I knew it.
– You knew it? Yeah, I knew– I mean, I’ve got,
like, 13, but you know– MERO: Oh! AUDIENCE: Oh! DESUS: Wow. Flex! Flex! [CHUCKLES] I will say– Wow. –I will say, I
have been nominated, like, 15 times and won once. – Oh.
– You know what? That.
[LAUGHTER] Right on! ANDERSON COOPER: [LAUGHING] Gentlemen, this
is a family show. [LAUGHTER] I don’t like him
around you guys. [LAUGHTER] We just rub off on him. I know, honestly. Honestly, he’s the “messiest”
I’ve seen him in a while. [LAUGHTER] So all right, so
let’s get messy. Are Kellyanne Conway
and her husband George– Oh, my god. –working a whole grift on
the United States of America, because she’s always, like,
yo, I don’t fuck with Trump. And she comes back,
Trump is not that bad. Yeah, yeah. So do they– are they really
polar opposites, or are they having, like, wild, hot sex? They’re about to show
they’re going to get? That’s what I’m wondering.
Anderson? What? [LAUGHTER] I’m not even– We’re asking for the question. I’m not even acknowledging
this conversation is happening. He’s, like, I’m a journalist. MERO: [CHUCKLES] I do think– I mean, I– they have kids,
so I feel bad, but I’m– DESUS: They’re also
Yankee fans, so ah, ah. AUDIENCE: Yeah. DESUS: Yeah. But I just– I mean, it’s got to
be the weirdest thing, going back, like– do they live together? That’s what I’m wondering. They sleep In
twin beds, so they– Supposedly, they
still live together. Really? I think– oh, they’re
good. –they’re hot. Like, they get home and
shite, and she be like, yo, lock me up like those babies. And like, oh, sure. What? Yeah! Yeah! I– DESUS: Oh, I’m the
one that’s wrong? Yeah. [LAUGHTER] That was big even for me. [LAUGHING] That was a lot
even for messy me. DESUS: [LAUGHING] Yeah. What the fuck? She got a white claw on her
hand, like, yeah, Daddy. MERO: Yeah. Andy told me this was a
religious broadcast, which is why I agreed to come on. He was, like, it’s Jesus and
Hero, and I was, like, OK. [LAUGHTER] Sure, yeah, that sounds cool. [LAUGHTER] What the fuck am I doing here? [LAUGHTER] It’s called
ruining your career. Yeah, right. DESUS: You’re here
to bring gravitas to the whole situation. By the way, isn’t it fun to
hear the “Silver Fox” say fuck? – Right?
– Yeah. Yeah! Right? DESUS: Yeah. MERO: They don’t give
you any folks on CNN? You get zero fucks? Actually, it’s basic
cable, so you can actually– there’s no FCC violations.
– You can throw one– You can. Yeah, well, when Trump
said “shithole countries”– MERO: That’s one of them?
– Yeah, well, you can– ANDY COHEN: You were
allowed to say it? Yeah.
ANDY COHEN: Oh. DESUS: Have you ever gotten
a note, and they’re like, yo, Anderson, you’re wilding? Um– [LAUGHING] No,
it’s funny because of– ANDY COHEN: Yes, Jeff
Zucker sent him that email. –much of the criticism
I get is that I am wilding. OK. [LAUGHTER] So it’s funny that
you picked up on that. MERO: [LAUGHING] Didn’t the president accuse
you of wilding on Twitter? Uh– yeah, I don’t know. That’s the pot calling
the kettle back. I actually– I muted him. DESUS: So wait, you don’t
know if the president tweeted at you?
– I muted– I stopped– yeah,
I stopped Twitter. Was it after you saw that
he was tweeting at you? You know, it’s just he
watches the shows, and– DESUS: Well, no, no,
because he says he doesn’t. Remember,he’s always,
like, failing CNN, but then he says exactly
what yo said for the night? Yesterday– [LAUGHTER] Like, I’d never watch this. No, I never watch. You also had on a
lovely blue shirt tonight. Somebody told me. [CHUCKLES] Yeah, it’s a
little surreal because– to know that the president is
possibly watching your show it’s just sort of
weird, in a bathrobe. It’s sort of a weird feeling.
– Yeah. It’s actually kind of creepy,
eating, like, a Big Mac? Anderson, what
are the qualities we should look for in a good– [LAUGHTER] Anderson, you– it’s for you. Don’t get nervous. [LAUGHTER] I was going to ask you to judge
the presidential candidates in their– how cute they are. Have you– there
are a ton of candid– you’ve had? DESUS: We’ve had some of
them on, but some of them, you feel like, yo,
fam, you really going to be here in September? Yeah, right. Well, no, no,
the answer is no. Yeah. It’s like you know half of
you are going to die, like– DESUS: Yeah. – –10 episodes into this.
– Yeah. Does this never happen? Like, they hit you up, like,
yo, I need to be on your show. You’re like, fam, I don’t know. Yeah. What I get a lot too
is also, like, a call, or somebody will say,
like, oh, this candidate wants to speak to you. And then they want to, like,
develop a relationship, and they want to
suddenly have dinner. And I don’t really do
that, so I’ll be, like, if you want to watch Netflix
with me at home, I’ll do that, because that’s all I do. But I don’t actually go to
a restaurant and eat, so– Netflix and chill with Anderson. [CHUCKLES] No, but, like, I don’t want
to develop a relationship with these people. I’m not there to
be their friend. MERO: So definitely
not Netflix and chill. ANDERSON COOPER: No. That’s like develop a good
relationship very quickly. ANDERSON COOPER: Yes. [LAUGHING] ANDY COHEN: Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. DESUS: But since
all these people want to be president, what
traits do you think it takes to be president, since
we no longer know what the hell a presidential
candidate looks like? ANDERSON COOPER: I don’t know. It seems like it’s kind
of a free-for-all now. Right. You can kind of do
whatever you want. Yeah. Yo, I have a trained
iguana on my shoulder. Like, I’m running for president.
– Got my vote. [CHUCKLES]
– Yeah, your vote. – You just see it again.
– Yeah. You just need a thing. Yeah, yeah. I’m making the
announcement in Times Square with my trained iguana.
those people, like, walk around Times– I don’t understand
people who walk around with pet snakes or ferrets in the city. Yep. I mean, nothing against
them but, like, really? That’s how we got bedbugs. [LAUGHTER] ANDY COHEN: Is that
how we got bedbugs? The
iguanas. Is that right? All right Mero de
Blasio over there– [LAUGHTER] –just reading about New
York in the Wikipedia. I read about this
while I was in Iowa. [LAUGHING] Mero de Blasio. [LAUGHTER] – Wow.
– Yeah. [LAUGHING] If you were not hosting your
show, what would you be doing? Me? Yes. I think I would be either
a bartender on an island– maybe not the Dominican
Republic right now. [LAUGHTER] Or I’d be a shrink. I think I’d be a good shrink. ANDERSON COOPER: You
think you’d be a shrink? – Yeah.
– Really? – Yes.
– He’s a good listener. But shrinks know– Who gives better
advice than me? You talk a lot, though. Shrinks usually just listen. [LAUGHTER] People like a dialogue. Not in– yeah,
but you share a lot about yourself with the person. I wouldn’t in that situation. Well, I think you would.
I don’t DESUS: You know what, I’ve
never said this before, but we should not have
been Timon and Pumbaa. They should have been
Timon and Pumbaa. [LAUGHTER] Like, I would’ve loved
to see this shit. [LAUGHING] Were you guys
Timon and Pumbaa? We should’ve been
Timon and Pumbaa. Oh, you should’ve been. Oh, OK. Oh are you upset about that? We’re not–
I’m not upset about it. It’s just that “The Lion
King” is anti-black. – [LAUGHS]
– Oh, is it? – Nah, I’m sorry.
– Except for the soundtrack. Soundtrack is amazing. The soundtrack by Beyonce
is amazing and incredible. ANDY COHEN: Yeah, don’t– yeah, yeah yeah, you
got to be careful. The best piece of music
ever recorded– uh– ANDY COHEN: Be careful. Be careful. Andy is infallible. If you were not
reporting on the news– I have no actual skill. So there’s actually
nothing I can do, except to exist on television. MERO: But you host the
New Year’s Eve bash. So you could take– Yeah, but that’s not really– Don Lemon gets wild saucy.
How saucy does that one get? Don Lemon gets– yes, he– Don is usually– DESUS: “Don Bacardi
Limón,” yeah! That’s my guy. MERO: Yeah! Turn it up, turn it up. MERO: Yeah. There was one year he– what did he pierce? Was it a– DESUS: He pierced his ear. It was his ear, yeah. ANDY COHEN: What did you
think, he pierced his nipple? I mean, you’re Like
what did he pierce? If you saw the video
clip, there was a chance– like, they were
[INTERPOSING VOICES] –he was, like, uh– Yeah, yeah.
Prince Albert. Yeah. [LAUGHING] I wasn’t
going to say nothing. Right. All right, Mero. Yeah, all right, Mero.
[LAUGHING] Mero de Blasio. [LAUGHTER] No, you could tell
Don Lemon was mad smacked, because he did that
thing when you’re stupid drunk. He’s, like, yo,
I’m hard to date. ANDERSON COOPER: Yes, I saw. [LAUGHTER] DESUS: I don’t know, just we
got BBQs at, like, 9:00 PM. Did he go really emo?
Yeah, he did. When your friend gets
super dark, he’s, like, aw, that’s all right, bro.
It’s all right. We going to be OK. ANDERSON COOPER: [LAUGHING] Oh, man. Yeah, Don Lemon, wow. Yeah, and I got you
pretty drunk last year. I think the next year,
he was in a hot tub. Yeah, well, yeah,
Andy made me drink shots at the top of every
hour this past year, and– He’s so bad at
taking the shot. He makes these weird noises. I do. No, he did it. I drank it, but, like– DESUS: How many
shots did you do? – We did like six.
– I don’t know. I got really drunk. And it just felt like my
lungs were burning, and– [LAUGHTER] What were y’all
drinking, like, Henny? No, we were drinking tequila. DESUS: Tequila, oh–
Ice cold tequila. Yeah, I don’t drink,
so it was a shock. Yeah. MERO: [LAUGHING] You
are Mero for real. [LAUGHING] I’m worried
about you Anderson. Like– [LAUGHTER] So how many stops
are on this tour? We’ve got, I think,
six more dates this year. You’re drinking
rum out of a bottle. – Yep.
– Sip? ANDERSON COOPER: Wow. ALL: Yeah! [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] [BANGING TABLE] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] ANDY COHEN: Oh, he spit it out! He spit it out! [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] He spit it out! DESUS: He tried. ANDY COHEN: He failed. He failed. [LAUGHTER] That’s what he does. He turns into, like, a lizard. MERO: Seven years. What? Seven years, you dated a
Dominican guy, you know. Well, yeah, no. Wow. [LAUGHING] DESUS: Do you rethink your
stance on DR now that you’ve tasted the poison alcohol? [LAUGHTER] ANDY COHEN: Yeah, exactly. Now it make sense? Now you know. Every time I fly
back from the DR, like, someone has a
case of it on the plane. And then a bottle breaks,
and the whole plane Yeah. It’s a whole experience flying
to and from DR, yeah, yeah. Everybody claps when you land. Yes, [CLAPPING] yes,
there’s a lot of clapping. ANDY COHEN: I did not
realize that you were slugging rum this whole time.
MERO: Yeah. What you thought, it was
iced tea or something? ANDY COHEN: I don’t know. [LAUGHTER] He got four kids. Like, do you blame him?
– Good. – Yeah.
– Yeah, I’m right. – You know what I’m saying?
– I understand. – You feel me?
– Yeah, yeah. You’re in the dead zone.
You know what I’m saying? You gotta get right.
– Yeah. [LAUGHTER] ANDERSON COOPER: Wait, so if you
have kids, you have to drink? MERO: I mean, you don’t have to. Doesn’t hurt. It helps. Disposable income, gang. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] It helps, you know
what I’m saying? I was in The Container Store,
buying shit for no reason. Right.
[LAUGHTER] Look like a bike rack. Yes. [LAUGHTER] Aw, we’re having too
much fun with you guys. We’re probably breaking the law. MERO: [LAUGHING] Listen, you guys are
from New York City. You mean you be here.
– Yeah, yeah. You guys know what’s
in the bodega, the neon signs that tell you
about hot food, credit, blah, blah, blah, blah, bah.
– Yeah. What would your neon sign say? I think mine would
say, Mero de Blasio. Mero de Blasio, ah! [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] These seats are backwards. Yeah. [CHUCKLES] And Anderson Cooper
in the building, AC. I don’t know. Mine, I guess, would be
like I just want to nap. [LAUGHTER] That’s all I want. Yo, let my man nap. That is all he wants. Yo, thanks to
Anderson and Andy. Go see them on the
“AC Switch” tour. And watch them on
all the TV shows. They got like five of them. Give it up for
Andy and Anderson. Whoo! Or the Bodega Boys. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC PLAYING]